The gay list. Everyone has one, just like they have their straight list. They may not know they have one, but they have one. She is astounded to hear this.
I can’t think of any girls I’d want to sleep with, she said shaking her head.
Really? He says in surprise. Because I could think of them for you if you want. In fact, I’ve already thought of three.
Her eyes narrow. Is (one of the cuter of her friends) on that list?
He pauses. Okay, make that four.
(That night, standing in an evening breeze outside a sushi bar, after they had a good dinner with old friends seldom seen)
You know, he said, it’s times like these, with us all gathered together, that I look around, and I think to myself … I wish I had remembered to bring my coat.
Subject: My million dollar idea
So, a bunch of us were talking at lunch … I recounted your PMS Question, and it got us to talking about how/why men don’t drain the sink when they are done doing the dishes. Or clean the laundry to our liking; pick out good produce at the supermarket; or how to do laundry. And then it occurred to me. I should offer a 100% practical course for men, like a marriage course for couples, only without the woman and it would be hands on. What woman wouldn’t pay to send her soon-to-be husband to a course like that? I cvould also offer “How to manage PMS 101, 201 and 401:, “Toilet Duck vs Duck Doing the Toilets 102”, “Let Us Pick Good Lettuce”, “How to Drain the Sink – A Practical Approach”. At the end of the weekend, those that pass get to find out where the “you-know-what” is (don’t want to write it down on a work computer). What do you think?
Subject: Re: My million dollar idea
Maybe we could also send the woman to boot camp, where she could learn such things as:
Psychology 101: Saying I Love You By Being Naked
Engineering 222: Recognizing Whose Hair Is Really Clogging Up The Bathtub Drain 110
Sociology 120: Purses, Shoes, and Scrapbooks — Examining Vulvic Symbols Through The Ages
Statistics 200: Stochastic Methods (Other Than Asking Your Husband) To Find Out If These Pants Make Your Ass Look Fat
Kinesiology 222: A Short Course In Body Language — How To Know When You’re Asking Too Many Damned Questions
Sociology 320: Understanding The Cave – Sometimes Men Just Like To Sit On The John
Subject: Re: Re: My million dollar idea
Are you trying to steal my thunder?
Don’t Be A Jerk 340 — you failed.
HER: When are going to get together with your sister, and all of her friends.
HIM: (judging the expression on her face): Are you not looking forward to it?
HER: I don’t know any of them! Do you look forward to going out with people you don’t know. You don’t even look forward to going out with people you do know!
HIM: Gosh, he said I need to see an orthodontist. What if I need dentures. I mean, dentures! Then you’d be officially married to an old guy.
HER: No I wouldn’t
HER (pulling a CD from the wall): When I finally leave you, I’m taking this CD. This is officially my CD.
HIM (puts down the newspaper, and considers): When you leave me, you get all the CDs. You get everything. I’m starting from zero.
HER (frowning): Awww. You shouldn’t talk like that. It’s so sad.
HIM: But you pinning a mental sticky note on a CD for when you leave me, well that’s just …
HER: One of the Seven Habits, I believe.
HER: (holding up a half empty bottle of beer) How wasteful of you! Do you know there are sober people in Afria?
HIM: (looking at a years old photo of her) Wow! Look at how big your arms are! You’re a gorilla!
HER: Ouch. That’s harsh.
HIM: Uh, what I mean is, you’re the gorilla my dreams.
HIM: Did you hear about the polygamist compound in Texas?
HER: Is this the start of a dumb joke? Is there a rabbi in it?
HIM: Seriously. Child services came in and took 416 kids into custody.
HER: Do you have a point to this?
HIM: I was just wondering what you thought.
HER: We’re only having two kids.